Through grit and perseverance, and a whole lotta Jesus, I am here today.
I was a little girl who was scared to fail. I was terrified of losing my parents, since they dealt with illnesses for decades. I just wanted my family to be proud of me, so I always said yes. I never thought of the consequences. I was never taught them.
I knew, before my therapist told me, that I’m codependent. It has a name! It is a thing. It is a psychological construct.
It was taught to me, through years of enduring dysfunctional traits. I don’t and can’t blame one person, or a few. I feel this cycle is multi-generational. How could I place blame on any one person in my life, when they were taught it too by their parents and family?
Over the past year, I have read many books on personality disorders, codependency, and ways of healing. It’s not a one and done process. Healing doesn’t come from reading a book. I think it may come in time, if I decide to unravel the behaviors that have been ingrained in me for so long. I still fear failure. I fear putting others’ off because I choose to say no, this time. And maybe even the next. That I will ask for a rain check, because I need to focus on me.
Things you can do to break the cycle:
Set boundaries (my favorite book on this-Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend) Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_3PGEDJQG9E70Q2E916AP
Show myself love ❤️ (a recent read- Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis) Girl, Stop Apologizing https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400215064/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_AK6MX3KAQP7P7A9MGXXG
Create tangible goals (I need to find a book on this! What are your recommendations?)
Get support (I see two different counselors, to help with very different parts of me. I have also sought out counselors in my past. It’s never one and done. Sometimes family or friends are the ones you are running from)